The lesson from Nengapeta for our times

Blessed Marie-Clémentine Anuarite Nengapeta (29 December 1939 – 1 December 1964)

I often reflect on the courage of Nengapeta, a young Congolese religious woman who dedicated her short life to the Sisters of the Holy Family in Kisangani. Sr. Nengapeta lived in an uncertain time of colonialism and conflict in the Democratic Republic of Congo. This did not deter her from giving of herself fully to her duties at the convent.

Having lived in relatively recent times of the 20th century, she is a relatable figure to African women. Any woman will tell you that there is nothing that causes more fear than the risk of sexual violence. Sr. Nengapeta came face-to-face with this fear from Colonel Pierre Olombe, a rebel, who wanted to rape her. When he did not succeed, he killed her. Sr. Nengapeta was so brave, even in her painful and unjust death at 24 years of age.

Sr. Nengapeta was beatified on 15 August 1985 by Pope John Paul II and was given the title "blessed". Beatification is the second-last step to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church. Her feast day is on 1st December, which is also World AIDS Day. Africa bears a big burden of HIV/AIDS as the most affected region in the world. Young women in Africa aged 15–24 years are at high risk of being infected with HIV. People living with HIV still experience stigma, in addition to the socio-economic challenges of maintaining healthy lives. HIV prevention and treatment has come a long way but more efforts are needed to end AIDS. For the 2021 commemoration of World AIDS Day, UNAIDS is calling on all of us to take urgent steps to "End inequalities. End AIDS. End pandemics". There is an urgent need to redress the inequalities that drive AIDS, especially during this time of the COVID-19 pandemic.

My prayer is that, through the intercession of Blessed Nengapeta, we will have the courage to protect life and peace in Africa. We can do this by strongly condemning all violence against girls and women, particularly sexual violence, which has robbed many of their lives. We must work together to end the inequalities that feed the vulnerabilities millions of young African girls face, which increase their risk of HIV infection. We should also support those living with HIV and educate ourselves with the right information to respond effectively to AIDS.

Intention

Maya Angelou said, "I believe the heart is the only thing we can trust". For some time, I struggled to wrap my head around this because i tend to be (believe i am) a very practical person. But when i paused to think about it, i realised that i actually follow my heart often. Not in the whimsical way modern movies might sometimes present it but in a cultivated manner, where i have learnt to trust my intuition in addition to weighing my reality.

Three years ago, i made a bold professional (heart) decision even when the timing and finances seemingly told a different story. I knew that if i did not follow my heart then, i would miss an important opportunity to grow and be happier. Interestingly, the courage to jump in 2016 came from another heart decision in 2009 that prepared me for an even greater leap seven years later. This time my fears were greatly reduced because i had began to identify the synchronicity in my life's run. It is also not a coincidence that i received a profound book, The Power of the Heart by Baptist de Pape, at the end of 2018 and it was my first read as i began the new year. I still have many questions from 2016 that are unanswered but i am learning to trust that living the question is sometimes a necessary step to recognising and accepting the answer, which might not come immediately or in the form i anticipate. I am learning to be patient with what my heart is saying and being confident in this connection.

In order for you to connect with your heart, you need silence and an attitude of gratitude. The heart's messages get drowned by noise and you cannot take note of them until you learn to regularly practice some quiet time. I have a tradition of taking a retreat as part of the ways in which i seek silence. As you give thanks for what you have, you gradually connect deeper with your heart and open yourself up to even greater possibilities. A power that will keep you grounded and safe.

In a world where cruelty is an everyday occurrence, we can only defuse the violence and hatred by having the courage to act from the heart - the authentic source of love, kindness and cooperation. "What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do now" ~ Pema Chödrön ~

Colours of life

Quest

When the world has stopped
I lean
On the thick trunk
Of my think tree
And wonder

Where is harmony?
My roving eye searches the horizon
Of the rose-tinged dusky sky
Of its elusive rays, penetrating canopy

Vision,
Are you buried with the far-reaching roots
That trace back to medicine lineages
Forever lost to contemporary generations?

And you, peace
Why do you play hide-and-seek?
Whistling through the bamboo
Like the cool evening breeze
That deceptively caresses the face
Oh so close… but gone, in the blink of an eye

Reveal yourselves
For it is in earnest
That I seek

Metamorphosis

I was laughing recently with childhood friends about how primary school memory doesn't get easily erased. Childhood memories, in all their colour and absurdity, remain vividly etched in the mind; defying an ageing body. I suppose it is why when we meet we shout each other's names in full as our teachers did, we rehash events in d.e.t.a.i.l and marvel at how we've grown because what we still see most is the childlike 'deskie' we exchanged notes and snacks with. The kid that metarmophisised into an adult but never quite left. The kid who lived loudly or shyly but felt deeply regardless.

Our childhood was largely sheltered and care-free. It was not without difficult moments…i would say it is the magnitude of the challenges we had to deal with that was greatly reduced or non-existent at that point in time. Then primary school gave way to steeper years of studying, hustling and demanding choices; from selecting subjects to emigration. In the blur of seeking footing, the spirit of living became part of the faded yellowed scrap books we signed with our whole hearts: "Roses are red, violets are blue…"

The post-primary journey became murky. It was not one with a set timetable, routine and meals. We encountered a world where not every person is happy or good. We reckoned with its dark side, that often mocks those who stand up for a cause or for the weak. Some floundered in this world where adulting was much harder than expected, some made costly mistakes, some lost faith others their shine… The scales fell from our eyes; our education was not foolproof, not all our teachers were heroes and we were not infallible.

But along came key lessons, that we can't change if we don't get out of our cocoons and that we will never know the beauty of our butterfly colours if we don't take the painstaking risk to grow, learn from our mistakes and live boldly.

Initially, we lacked the vocabulary to describe these lessons. We didn't quite know what to call them. Then we understood that it was a collection of what we had experienced, what we believed in, what we stood for and subsequently what we hoped for every fellow human being (some completely missed this memo).

Some believed the cruel world, that the options it presented are the only ones. Today they play to the gallery; caught up in performing a false life.

Some dared to question a world that doesn't care; to ask what they could do to change it, not only for their own benefit but for others too. Today they are living fully and even if they face obstacles tomorrow, they forge on; leaving the world a little bit better than they found it yesterday. They trace the threads on the cloth they've woven, with the warps and wefts of aspirations and achievements, to bequeath a warm wrap to the next child.

Celebrate more the child in you who once unwaveringly believed they were invincible. Be that kid again, that raced with all their might for their house, their school…for the collective win.

Learning from failure

You've heard the saying "sometimes you win, sometimes you lose". The Kiswahili proverb goes further to say, asiyekubali kushindwa si mshindani, to mean: be a gracious loser.

Losing is a human reality. The real challenge is how we engage with it. The thing about failure is you can become fixated in that terrible moment and wallow in self-pity or you can make a conscious decision to turn around the sour experience and gain valuable lessons, also known as making lemonade.

A positive mind and spirit coupled with articulated goals can make the mistakes and losses that come along easier to bear. I was reminded of this through a book i was recently gifted. A pleasant surprise considering i had just assigned 2017 as my "Year of Learning".

John C. Maxwell, in his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, says: "A loss isn't totally a loss if you learn something as a result of it. Your losses can come to define you if you let them…You can choose to change, grow, and learn from your losses".

He gives what he calls a 'road map' to learning from losses. I extracted some excerpts below that stayed with me.

Humility: the spirit of learning

"Humanity is filled with mistakes. 
Humility allows us to learn from them" p. 29

Reality: the foundation of learning

"You can't improve yourself if you're kidding yourself" p. 42

Responsibility: the first step of learning

"If we respond right to failure by taking responsibility, 

we can look at our failure and learn from it" p. 54

Improvement: the focus of learning

"Improvement demands a commitment to grow 

long after the mood in which it was made has passed" p. 80

Hope: the motivation of learning

"If you lose hope, that may be your last loss, 

because when hope is gone, so is motivation and the ability to learn…

Hope is inspiring. It gives us the motivation for living and learning" p. 90 & 91

Teachability: the pathway of learning

"Possessing the intentional attitude and behaviour 

to keep learning and growing throughout life" p. 108

Adversity: the catalyst of learning

"Life is filled with adversity. We can be squashed by it. We can allow it to make us hard. 

Or we can make the best of it, improving the situation" p. 132

Problems: the opportunities for learning

"If you and i want to gain the full benefit from every problem, challenge, and loss, 

we need to stop looking for the back door and 

face the difficulty with the determination to gain something from it" p. 158

Bad Experiences: the perspective for learning

"When you have a bad experience, i hope you will give yourself some grace - 

whether it's a matter beyond your control or because you made a mistake. 

You're only human, and you shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect". p. 164

Change: the price of learning

"Unfortunately, if you resist change, you are trading your potential to grow for your comfort. 

No change means no growth" p. 180

Maturity: the value of learning

"…a mature person is someone who has learned from losses, has gained wisdom, and possesses a strong emotional and mental stability in the face of life's difficulties" p. 198

Retroxpressions > A catapult

Retrospection is always a good thing. At whichever point in time but most especially in anticipation of new things…like a new year, new opportunities, new chances to be better. 

"Today, commit to be tolerant of your fellow human being and intolerant to hatred. The violence starts small, with hating your neighbour because of their tribe, gender, values, religion, resources…stereotypes that blur and become deadly justifications for eliminating them. Then it spins out of control and leads to horrific suffering in Syria, South Sudan, Burundi, Ethiopia, Kenya…" 

- Peupe -

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; 

indeed, it's the only thing that ever has" 

- Margaret Mead -

“The day will come when history will speak. 

But it will not be the history which will be taught in Brussels, Paris, Washington 

or the United Nations…Africa will write its own history 

and in both north and south it will be a history of glory and dignity” 

- Patrice Lumumba - 

"If we stand tall it is because we stand proud on the shoulders of our ancestors"

- African Proverb -

"A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to redeem them from starving. They all have food in their own houses. When we gather together in the moonlight village ground, it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so. Let us find  time to come together physically and enjoy the power of togetherness. Let's smile not because we don't have problems but because we are stronger than the problems" 

- Chinua Achebe -

I will lift her up

"A friend is the one you connect with, the one you trust, and the one whom you share your confidences with, knowing it's safe. You talk to her regularly about everything and nothing in particular. You even call her just to complain. A good friend acknowledges that you need her to vent to. If you are going through a difficult time and you don't call her and tell her about it, later she says, "Why didn't you call me?". It's not about solving the problem, or getting advice or answers. It is about sharing and being there, being present for your friend."  

Celebrating Friendship Among Women: The Power of True Women Connections

Margery Kabuya

My mother called me last evening. I could tell she was tired, she could tell i was spaced out. I really was not focusing on what she was saying but on her voice. Each word and intonation conjured a mental image in my mind; of the crinkle in her brow at the start of the conversation, of the clearing of the crease lines as we spoke about the upcoming family event, of the animation on her face as her errand list for me grew (and remember to do this...get that!) and finally, of the full-bodied laughter as we got to her favourite subject: her precious grandsons. By the time i hang up, my depression over the continued violation of girls and women's rights had lifted slightly, not entirely. I found myself thinking: Mama, will the nightmares go away? When will society respect us?

I thought of my sisters, female relatives and girlfriends whom i laugh with, argue with, cry with, journey with. The women who love me, cheer me on and understand me. This special sorority that knows what it is to bleed yet forge on in the face of adversity.

I smile when they smile, i rejoice when they rejoice, i am broken when they are broken. It is this deep connection that makes me understand the damage any violation causes to any girl or woman. It hurts me to see any girl or woman suffer abuse of any kind and humiliation that crushes her spirit and puts off the light in her life. It is what propels me to stand up for her in a society that is increasingly failing to protect us! It is what gives me courage not to be shaken even if there are those who think we are weak! It is what gives me clarity of mind to know that the greatest goal lies ahead, and no one shall detract me from it! That goal is a safe society for all girls and women. I refuse to be part of the rot that fuels our indignity. I tell it to any man or woman who is quick to violate us. I will say this again and i will not tire of saying it: when my Sister is down, i will lift her up. #16Days 

Peupe

Peace. Poetry. Places. Some of my favourite subjects. Nay, passions.

The world would certainly be better if we all genuinely worked for peace. However, as I am realising day by day, peace essentially is a misnomer. Conflict is more like it. It is even profitable! Individuals, communities and countries are bearing the brunt of ceaseless conflicts fought with such intensity over decades that the bone of contention was long forgotten. The dynamics shift, the players multiply, attempts at ceasefires and negotiations become a farce. Then there is this little thing called the ‘international community’. And African conflicts are called intractable. 

On another tangent (this shall happen often), I am mulling on social protest, people power, dictators who refuse to smell the coffee and fresh new states…the march to the ballot/bullet that so-called citizens wake up to depending on the part of the world they happily occupy. Barriers that lib, suffrage, trade, religion and the internet still cannot seem to penetrate in this globalised epoch. Peupe Part I.