The lesson from Nengapeta for our times

Blessed Marie-Clémentine Anuarite Nengapeta (29 December 1939 – 1 December 1964)

I often reflect on the courage of Nengapeta, a young Congolese religious woman who dedicated her short life to the Sisters of the Holy Family in Kisangani. Sr. Nengapeta lived in an uncertain time of colonialism and conflict in the Democratic Republic of Congo. This did not deter her from giving of herself fully to her duties at the convent.

Having lived in relatively recent times of the 20th century, she is a relatable figure to African women. Any woman will tell you that there is nothing that causes more fear than the risk of sexual violence. Sr. Nengapeta came face-to-face with this fear from Colonel Pierre Olombe, a rebel, who wanted to rape her. When he did not succeed, he killed her. Sr. Nengapeta was so brave, even in her painful and unjust death at 24 years of age.

Sr. Nengapeta was beatified on 15 August 1985 by Pope John Paul II and was given the title "blessed". Beatification is the second-last step to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church. Her feast day is on 1st December, which is also World AIDS Day. Africa bears a big burden of HIV/AIDS as the most affected region in the world. Young women in Africa aged 15–24 years are at high risk of being infected with HIV. People living with HIV still experience stigma, in addition to the socio-economic challenges of maintaining healthy lives. HIV prevention and treatment has come a long way but more efforts are needed to end AIDS. For the 2021 commemoration of World AIDS Day, UNAIDS is calling on all of us to take urgent steps to "End inequalities. End AIDS. End pandemics". There is an urgent need to redress the inequalities that drive AIDS, especially during this time of the COVID-19 pandemic.

My prayer is that, through the intercession of Blessed Nengapeta, we will have the courage to protect life and peace in Africa. We can do this by strongly condemning all violence against girls and women, particularly sexual violence, which has robbed many of their lives. We must work together to end the inequalities that feed the vulnerabilities millions of young African girls face, which increase their risk of HIV infection. We should also support those living with HIV and educate ourselves with the right information to respond effectively to AIDS.

Intention

Maya Angelou said, "I believe the heart is the only thing we can trust". For some time, I struggled to wrap my head around this because i tend to be (believe i am) a very practical person. But when i paused to think about it, i realised that i actually follow my heart often. Not in the whimsical way modern movies might sometimes present it but in a cultivated manner, where i have learnt to trust my intuition in addition to weighing my reality.

Three years ago, i made a bold professional (heart) decision even when the timing and finances seemingly told a different story. I knew that if i did not follow my heart then, i would miss an important opportunity to grow and be happier. Interestingly, the courage to jump in 2016 came from another heart decision in 2009 that prepared me for an even greater leap seven years later. This time my fears were greatly reduced because i had began to identify the synchronicity in my life's run. It is also not a coincidence that i received a profound book, The Power of the Heart by Baptist de Pape, at the end of 2018 and it was my first read as i began the new year. I still have many questions from 2016 that are unanswered but i am learning to trust that living the question is sometimes a necessary step to recognising and accepting the answer, which might not come immediately or in the form i anticipate. I am learning to be patient with what my heart is saying and being confident in this connection.

In order for you to connect with your heart, you need silence and an attitude of gratitude. The heart's messages get drowned by noise and you cannot take note of them until you learn to regularly practice some quiet time. I have a tradition of taking a retreat as part of the ways in which i seek silence. As you give thanks for what you have, you gradually connect deeper with your heart and open yourself up to even greater possibilities. A power that will keep you grounded and safe.

In a world where cruelty is an everyday occurrence, we can only defuse the violence and hatred by having the courage to act from the heart - the authentic source of love, kindness and cooperation. "What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do now" ~ Pema Chödrön ~

Colours of life

Quest

When the world has stopped
I lean
On the thick trunk
Of my think tree
And wonder

Where is harmony?
My roving eye searches the horizon
Of the rose-tinged dusky sky
Of its elusive rays, penetrating canopy

Vision,
Are you buried with the far-reaching roots
That trace back to medicine lineages
Forever lost to contemporary generations?

And you, peace
Why do you play hide-and-seek?
Whistling through the bamboo
Like the cool evening breeze
That deceptively caresses the face
Oh so close… but gone, in the blink of an eye

Reveal yourselves
For it is in earnest
That I seek

Standing by my book shelf

Lost in books, late again

Standing by my book shelf

Thumbing through pages

Rereading favourite excerpts

Fancifully hoping for a book getaway

Far from the ugliness of the world

Reminded others saw worse

So that i can stand tall today

Incredible beacons of courage

In the vile face of hatred, abuse, exclusion

They transformed it into stories of triumph

Into poetry i hold close to my heart

To sojourn through another test

A test of humanity, of truth, of justice

I stand by my book shelf

Musing how millions of words 

Give meaning to my life.

You

You with the sunshine style
You with the big heart
You with the sweet spirit
You with the beautiful smile
You with the spicy twist
You with the boundless warmth

Metamorphosis

I was laughing recently with childhood friends about how primary school memory doesn't get easily erased. Childhood memories, in all their colour and absurdity, remain vividly etched in the mind; defying an ageing body. I suppose it is why when we meet we shout each other's names in full as our teachers did, we rehash events in d.e.t.a.i.l and marvel at how we've grown because what we still see most is the childlike 'deskie' we exchanged notes and snacks with. The kid that metarmophisised into an adult but never quite left. The kid who lived loudly or shyly but felt deeply regardless.

Our childhood was largely sheltered and care-free. It was not without difficult moments…i would say it is the magnitude of the challenges we had to deal with that was greatly reduced or non-existent at that point in time. Then primary school gave way to steeper years of studying, hustling and demanding choices; from selecting subjects to emigration. In the blur of seeking footing, the spirit of living became part of the faded yellowed scrap books we signed with our whole hearts: "Roses are red, violets are blue…"

The post-primary journey became murky. It was not one with a set timetable, routine and meals. We encountered a world where not every person is happy or good. We reckoned with its dark side, that often mocks those who stand up for a cause or for the weak. Some floundered in this world where adulting was much harder than expected, some made costly mistakes, some lost faith others their shine… The scales fell from our eyes; our education was not foolproof, not all our teachers were heroes and we were not infallible.

But along came key lessons, that we can't change if we don't get out of our cocoons and that we will never know the beauty of our butterfly colours if we don't take the painstaking risk to grow, learn from our mistakes and live boldly.

Initially, we lacked the vocabulary to describe these lessons. We didn't quite know what to call them. Then we understood that it was a collection of what we had experienced, what we believed in, what we stood for and subsequently what we hoped for every fellow human being (some completely missed this memo).

Some believed the cruel world, that the options it presented are the only ones. Today they play to the gallery; caught up in performing a false life.

Some dared to question a world that doesn't care; to ask what they could do to change it, not only for their own benefit but for others too. Today they are living fully and even if they face obstacles tomorrow, they forge on; leaving the world a little bit better than they found it yesterday. They trace the threads on the cloth they've woven, with the warps and wefts of aspirations and achievements, to bequeath a warm wrap to the next child.

Celebrate more the child in you who once unwaveringly believed they were invincible. Be that kid again, that raced with all their might for their house, their school…for the collective win.

Ethos or just what do you stand for?

I have been asking myself, in these days where the general global rhetoric is one of exclusion, intolerance and hatred, what is really lacking in people? Closer home in Kenya, i see the high cost of injustice, primarily perpetuated by a government that has repeatedly shown it cares little for the citizenry. 

Modern-day Kenya is built on a fragile national identity, around an elusive concept of unity, rather kin loyalties, conveniently manipulated by the political class. More lethal is the attitude of most Kenyan politicians; that they are not in office to serve but to be served. They enjoy all the trappings of power and wealth, funded by an overburdened taxpayer, yet they are not sated. They demand for billions more they have not even worked for. This sense of entitlement is compounded by a majority of the population that defends them in a warped logic of religious misinterpretation and only what i can call distorted cognition - continuous exposure to injustice over a long duration - to the extent that it becomes a pervasive national expression. A tragic acceptance of state terror, almost proudly excused, often vocalised in phrases like "At least he left us bones to lick…Elections have to be stolen…He has to appeal to the young electorate". All these lame arguments in tyrannical contexts of impunity, extra-judicial killings, contempt for the rule of law, corruption, failed systems, health care crisis, drought and a host of other internal and external threats. But somehow the enemy is the other Kenyan, not of 'our' tribe.

The only enemy we face is disenfranchisement. There is no justification for the poverty, uncontrolled disease, violence, insecurity and gross mismanagement of national resources, by a largely selfish political class, that ordinary Kenyans endure every day. 

Why can't this enemy be seen? Zero ethos. 

Few Kenyans have a set of values or benchmark by which they measure and assess the government. It gets worse with ivory tower existence where there is no empathy for those in less privileged situations and no collective determination to stand with the voiceless against injustice. Going by the vitriol spewed on the e-streets of social media and offline spaces, there is less constructive debate substantiated by facts and more ethnic bashing. In the end, the sycophants are the losers too. The plunderers go scot-free, laughing loudest in their frivolous tax-free lives, as Kenyans fail again to hold them accountable. 

It is glaringly clear that there is a lack of impartial understanding of what governance and leadership entails. There is a very narrow vision of the fundamental values that bring citizens together to examine a government's performance, beyond the election event which is just the tip of the iceberg. Citizen consciousness has to be a consistent expression that stems from a purposeful and lived conviction which is not swayed by the politics of the day. It is being able to identify, with no confusion, if a government has a clear development agenda and is implementing it in a well-planned manner with prudent fiscal management and a prioritisation of equal national projects, not selectively in ethnic strongholds.

Because most do not stand for the common good, they participate in the persecution of the poor, the sick, the refuge seeker, the unemployed, the minorities… They treat injustice with apathy because it is not their reality. We need not wait to experience indignity in order to say "this is unjust and unacceptable". Some rights are not negotiable. Even if one cannot claim them, they are due simply by being a human being. However, as is painfully obvious in today's world, people are less humane. Inhumanity thrives when people fail to stand up for humanity. Unless we stand for something, we will fall for anything.

Learning from failure

You've heard the saying "sometimes you win, sometimes you lose". The Kiswahili proverb goes further to say, asiyekubali kushindwa si mshindani, to mean: be a gracious loser.

Losing is a human reality. The real challenge is how we engage with it. The thing about failure is you can become fixated in that terrible moment and wallow in self-pity or you can make a conscious decision to turn around the sour experience and gain valuable lessons, also known as making lemonade.

A positive mind and spirit coupled with articulated goals can make the mistakes and losses that come along easier to bear. I was reminded of this through a book i was recently gifted. A pleasant surprise considering i had just assigned 2017 as my "Year of Learning".

John C. Maxwell, in his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, says: "A loss isn't totally a loss if you learn something as a result of it. Your losses can come to define you if you let them…You can choose to change, grow, and learn from your losses".

He gives what he calls a 'road map' to learning from losses. I extracted some excerpts below that stayed with me.

Humility: the spirit of learning

"Humanity is filled with mistakes. 
Humility allows us to learn from them" p. 29

Reality: the foundation of learning

"You can't improve yourself if you're kidding yourself" p. 42

Responsibility: the first step of learning

"If we respond right to failure by taking responsibility, 

we can look at our failure and learn from it" p. 54

Improvement: the focus of learning

"Improvement demands a commitment to grow 

long after the mood in which it was made has passed" p. 80

Hope: the motivation of learning

"If you lose hope, that may be your last loss, 

because when hope is gone, so is motivation and the ability to learn…

Hope is inspiring. It gives us the motivation for living and learning" p. 90 & 91

Teachability: the pathway of learning

"Possessing the intentional attitude and behaviour 

to keep learning and growing throughout life" p. 108

Adversity: the catalyst of learning

"Life is filled with adversity. We can be squashed by it. We can allow it to make us hard. 

Or we can make the best of it, improving the situation" p. 132

Problems: the opportunities for learning

"If you and i want to gain the full benefit from every problem, challenge, and loss, 

we need to stop looking for the back door and 

face the difficulty with the determination to gain something from it" p. 158

Bad Experiences: the perspective for learning

"When you have a bad experience, i hope you will give yourself some grace - 

whether it's a matter beyond your control or because you made a mistake. 

You're only human, and you shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect". p. 164

Change: the price of learning

"Unfortunately, if you resist change, you are trading your potential to grow for your comfort. 

No change means no growth" p. 180

Maturity: the value of learning

"…a mature person is someone who has learned from losses, has gained wisdom, and possesses a strong emotional and mental stability in the face of life's difficulties" p. 198

Retroxpressions > A catapult

Retrospection is always a good thing. At whichever point in time but most especially in anticipation of new things…like a new year, new opportunities, new chances to be better. 

"Today, commit to be tolerant of your fellow human being and intolerant to hatred. The violence starts small, with hating your neighbour because of their tribe, gender, values, religion, resources…stereotypes that blur and become deadly justifications for eliminating them. Then it spins out of control and leads to horrific suffering in Syria, South Sudan, Burundi, Ethiopia, Kenya…" 

- Peupe -

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; 

indeed, it's the only thing that ever has" 

- Margaret Mead -

“The day will come when history will speak. 

But it will not be the history which will be taught in Brussels, Paris, Washington 

or the United Nations…Africa will write its own history 

and in both north and south it will be a history of glory and dignity” 

- Patrice Lumumba - 

"If we stand tall it is because we stand proud on the shoulders of our ancestors"

- African Proverb -

"A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to redeem them from starving. They all have food in their own houses. When we gather together in the moonlight village ground, it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so. Let us find  time to come together physically and enjoy the power of togetherness. Let's smile not because we don't have problems but because we are stronger than the problems" 

- Chinua Achebe -

Uke

There are books i like to reread. I never had the patience to do so in the past but now i do, i need to. I have realised that the magic potion of timeless female wisdom is life fuel.

I reread Wangari Maathai's memoir Unbowed: One Woman's Story and i pause to reflect on her words, as she agitated for equal pay:

"…sometimes you have to hold on to what you believe in because not everybody wishes you well or will give you what you deserve - not even your fellow women. Indeed, I found myself wanting to be more than the equal of some of the men i knew. I had higher aspirations and did not want to be compared with men of lesser ability and capacity. I wanted to be me". p. 117

When a friend recently asked me: Who is the Wangari Maathai of our generation? I hmm'd and ee'd and came up blank. It is not to say that there are no passionate women environmentalists out there. Rather, it is the scale of Wangari Maathai's commitment that defines her powerful legacy. She did the legwork. She made huge sacrifices. She did not stand around hoping that someone else would be brave enough to rally to the call. She stepped up and did her little thing with a big heart!

She was relentless in her vision of environmental protection and upholding justice to the point of harassment and humiliation by the State and ridicule from fellow citizen. She never gave up. She stayed true to what she believed was right. Her spirit was formidable even as many schemed to saw her down. She stood firm, like the trees she valiantly defended.

She breathed and lived her philosophy. Even her house, that we went by during our primary school days, was all green! Everyone knew her home was the one covered in foliage. Then we saw her speaking boldly against the oppressive regime, protesting with mothers of detained sons, even as brutal police beat her and pulled out her braids, being jailed…and everyone said she was crazy.

In classic female persecution, attacks against her had little respect for her person or cause. Her private life was dissected in public in the misguided belief that it would break her. They forgot she was the buried seed that would sprout, and continue to do so in many generations after her. She bore the marks of a great visionary: leading in service and inspiration.

"I knew that the government was using me as a mirror in which other women would look at themselves. They were being asked to decide if that image was who they would like to be. Because i couldn't go into the women's hearts and tell them, "It's alright. I haven't done anything wrong. It's them, not me". It was okay for me to be called crazy and told i had insects in my head: That is the way people using their own mirror saw me. But i offered women a different mirror - my own. What is important, indeed necessary, is to hold up your own mirror to see yourself as you really are". p. 197

Wangari Maathai was a patriot whose life every Kenyan should be proud to refer to. She remains a remarkable example for girls and women on breaking away from the societal lie of female subjugation: that a "good woman" is one who does not rock the patriarchal boat and is not "bad-mannered" enough to dare speak up against injustice!

History never remembers good women. Nanjala Nyabola aptly reminds us of this in her article: Wangari Maathai was not a good woman. Kenya needs more of them.

Mpendwa

Akipita, akipunga

Upepo kamwona Bahari

Samawati, alipendeza

Naye Bahari ‘kampenda Upepo kwa uzuri alioleta

Furaha ilimjaa na kumsukuma upwani

Sabalkheri. Naomba ukae nami, Mpendwa

Uwe Malkia wangu

Ilhali Upepo alikuwa mwenye mwendo mara yote

Upepo alimzunguka Bahari, akambusu, akanena:

Meli yaelea juu yako,

dau yatabaradi  juu yako

Hio hali yao, wewe husongi!

Nikiondoka, samaki wataendapi? Bahari akauliza kwa mshangao mkuu!

Naye Upepo akamjibu: Nikitua, ulimwengu utasongaje?

Laazizi, ulinipendea mie uzuri wangu,

ndio mimi huyu, hamna namna ingine… 

Comandante!

I've met some people along my life who've left a lasting impression. They've inspired me in the fine way they take on situations and they've made me laugh through their witty observations of life. Most importantly, they mastered early on the importance of taking charge of their own personal lives in order to succeed.

Now success is relative, it is not limited to always winning in the external things. The greatest battle is in conquering the weak and faulty parts of us that make us less human. Unfortunately, this critical aspect of success is misunderstood a lot today, especially by extremists.

The success of being human is thankfully not tied to the material resources at one's disposal. It begins with a mindset. An attitude that dares to still embrace humanity even when the rest of the world mocks you. It is the courage to live right even when the world is primarily one big billboard that screams: "The end justifies the means!" "Grab what you can for yourself!" "Be bigoted!" "Kindness has no place in the modern rat race!" "Destroy!" "Gain the world!"…and forever lose yourself. 

Don't be deceived. The world is hurting. You can feel the pain that Warsan Shire speaks of:

A hurting world is made up of broken people. People who have given up hope and decided to match despair for despair and cruelty for cruelty. Quite the blind and toothless world…

The blueprint for taking charge of one's life is looking inwards in order to rise above all these gravely misleading voices. When you understand yourself, with all your flaws, then you become comfortable in your skin, then you are able to see the world with the scales fallen from your eyes, then you are able to be human…giving fully your authentic contribution.

Dissolve

Like sugar in tea

Like a leaf of mint immersed

Like the blending of flavours

Let you be...

Lovebow

I wanted to write you a poem
It was complete, in the space

But the words...
just when i sought to put them down
Danced merrily away

Musical, chiming as i drew closer again
They rejoiced, like the gentle rain
filling the earth...and my heart

The lyrics surrounded me, buoyed me 
and with a happy tinkling! struck a clear chord

They were not letters to be jotted
they were a feeling.

A journey to your centre

As you go through life, consciously and subconsciously, somewhere along the way there is need to unburden, retreat into yourself, in order to return again, anew, to the world. It is a process that calls for great openness and honesty with your inner self in order to truly listen to what you need to leave behind in your journey ahead.

I like the Labyrinth for its representation of life: at times straightforward, at times circular, at times a maze but always with a way out…all is needed is sincerity and courage to step into oneself. The Labyrinth is a symbol of the two journeys we make in the pilgrimage of life, while responding to a Higher Call. “…the inner and the outer journeys, which are in fact one journey. It creates a sacred space and place that takes us out of our ego to “that which is within”. The way in is the way out”.

In every moment of great adversity or triumph, it is not an exaggeration that there is power within you to meet each in the right spirit. As you move inward, return to the beginning of your faith – uncluttered. Travel light; discard the few or many hats you wear, the demands and most importantly the noise. Leave behind the naysaying voice of guilt, resentment, 

self-hatred, failures, depression, shame and forgive yourself. Simply be and reckon with your true self, hidden in God.

Purge and focus on centering yourself in the stillness, recognising the emptiness that can only be filled by love. Receive wholly and gladly the gifts that come your way. See the possibility of the new and the light for your path so that as you move outwards back to your world, there is less anxiety and more peace in a simpler and more focused life.

That letter to your heart actually has as its reference Re: treat. Go on, make it your regular practice; slow down, find some soulful time, silence and satisfaction.

The real country

I just got back from Hargeysa. Like with every trip i make, i return with a sense of wonder of all that i have seen, revelled in and eaten;-)

One thing that struck me about Somalilanders is their patriotism. Now some of us understand patriotism differently. That it is an action summarised in that jersey worn, that drink raised and that win at the olympics. Then the following day, the tearing down of your neighbour. In these times where national identities and loyalties are so fluid, it is refreshing to be reminded of the real meaning of patriotism. Somaliland renewed my belief in uzalendo in what i observed. A deep pride for country and the added zeal to making it a place where fellow country woman and man thrives.

As i was mulling over this, i saw a piece of news from home, a border away, that moved me to silence. His nickname draws you - Jadudi but his reality even more. Jadudi, a young Kenyan man who has undergone brain surgery three times already, and is due for a fourth in coming days was at his end. Financially he was drained due to the high cost of treating the cancer. Naturally this has taken a toll on him and his family in all other ways. In a dark moment, he reached out to his country folk. He asked his kin to help him fight this battle. The will was there but the way…Biko Zulu heard his brother's call and he told the village.

In under two days, Kenyans rose magnificently as one and responded in a resounding way to Jadudi's appeal to raise one million Kenya shillings for his fourth surgery. The hundreds and hundreds of thousands of shillings flooded in totalling to just over six million shillings. The power of humanity was proven yet again. Put aside all other fickle matters and the results are stupendous! Kenyans remembered. I salute you. As African wisdom goes, "cross the river in a crowd and the crocodile won’t eat you".