Learning from failure

You've heard the saying "sometimes you win, sometimes you lose". The Kiswahili proverb goes further to say, asiyekubali kushindwa si mshindani, to mean: be a gracious loser.

Losing is a human reality. The real challenge is how we engage with it. The thing about failure is you can become fixated in that terrible moment and wallow in self-pity or you can make a conscious decision to turn around the sour experience and gain valuable lessons, also known as making lemonade.

A positive mind and spirit coupled with articulated goals can make the mistakes and losses that come along easier to bear. I was reminded of this through a book i was recently gifted. A pleasant surprise considering i had just assigned 2017 as my "Year of Learning".

John C. Maxwell, in his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, says: "A loss isn't totally a loss if you learn something as a result of it. Your losses can come to define you if you let them…You can choose to change, grow, and learn from your losses".

He gives what he calls a 'road map' to learning from losses. I extracted some excerpts below that stayed with me.

Humility: the spirit of learning

"Humanity is filled with mistakes. 
Humility allows us to learn from them" p. 29

Reality: the foundation of learning

"You can't improve yourself if you're kidding yourself" p. 42

Responsibility: the first step of learning

"If we respond right to failure by taking responsibility, 

we can look at our failure and learn from it" p. 54

Improvement: the focus of learning

"Improvement demands a commitment to grow 

long after the mood in which it was made has passed" p. 80

Hope: the motivation of learning

"If you lose hope, that may be your last loss, 

because when hope is gone, so is motivation and the ability to learn…

Hope is inspiring. It gives us the motivation for living and learning" p. 90 & 91

Teachability: the pathway of learning

"Possessing the intentional attitude and behaviour 

to keep learning and growing throughout life" p. 108

Adversity: the catalyst of learning

"Life is filled with adversity. We can be squashed by it. We can allow it to make us hard. 

Or we can make the best of it, improving the situation" p. 132

Problems: the opportunities for learning

"If you and i want to gain the full benefit from every problem, challenge, and loss, 

we need to stop looking for the back door and 

face the difficulty with the determination to gain something from it" p. 158

Bad Experiences: the perspective for learning

"When you have a bad experience, i hope you will give yourself some grace - 

whether it's a matter beyond your control or because you made a mistake. 

You're only human, and you shouldn't expect yourself to be perfect". p. 164

Change: the price of learning

"Unfortunately, if you resist change, you are trading your potential to grow for your comfort. 

No change means no growth" p. 180

Maturity: the value of learning

"…a mature person is someone who has learned from losses, has gained wisdom, and possesses a strong emotional and mental stability in the face of life's difficulties" p. 198

Retroxpressions > A catapult

Retrospection is always a good thing. At whichever point in time but most especially in anticipation of new things…like a new year, new opportunities, new chances to be better. 

"Today, commit to be tolerant of your fellow human being and intolerant to hatred. The violence starts small, with hating your neighbour because of their tribe, gender, values, religion, resources…stereotypes that blur and become deadly justifications for eliminating them. Then it spins out of control and leads to horrific suffering in Syria, South Sudan, Burundi, Ethiopia, Kenya…" 

- Peupe -

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; 

indeed, it's the only thing that ever has" 

- Margaret Mead -

“The day will come when history will speak. 

But it will not be the history which will be taught in Brussels, Paris, Washington 

or the United Nations…Africa will write its own history 

and in both north and south it will be a history of glory and dignity” 

- Patrice Lumumba - 

"If we stand tall it is because we stand proud on the shoulders of our ancestors"

- African Proverb -

"A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to redeem them from starving. They all have food in their own houses. When we gather together in the moonlight village ground, it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so. Let us find  time to come together physically and enjoy the power of togetherness. Let's smile not because we don't have problems but because we are stronger than the problems" 

- Chinua Achebe -

Uke

There are books i like to reread. I never had the patience to do so in the past but now i do, i need to. I have realised that the magic potion of timeless female wisdom is life fuel.

I reread Wangari Maathai's memoir Unbowed: One Woman's Story and i pause to reflect on her words, as she agitated for equal pay:

"…sometimes you have to hold on to what you believe in because not everybody wishes you well or will give you what you deserve - not even your fellow women. Indeed, I found myself wanting to be more than the equal of some of the men i knew. I had higher aspirations and did not want to be compared with men of lesser ability and capacity. I wanted to be me". p. 117

When a friend recently asked me: Who is the Wangari Maathai of our generation? I hmm'd and ee'd and came up blank. It is not to say that there are no passionate women environmentalists out there. Rather, it is the scale of Wangari Maathai's commitment that defines her powerful legacy. She did the legwork. She made huge sacrifices. She did not stand around hoping that someone else would be brave enough to rally to the call. She stepped up and did her little thing with a big heart!

She was relentless in her vision of environmental protection and upholding justice to the point of harassment and humiliation by the State and ridicule from fellow citizen. She never gave up. She stayed true to what she believed was right. Her spirit was formidable even as many schemed to saw her down. She stood firm, like the trees she valiantly defended.

She breathed and lived her philosophy. Even her house, that we went by during our primary school days, was all green! Everyone knew her home was the one covered in foliage. Then we saw her speaking boldly against the oppressive regime, protesting with mothers of detained sons, even as brutal police beat her and pulled out her braids, being jailed…and everyone said she was crazy.

In classic female persecution, attacks against her had little respect for her person or cause. Her private life was dissected in public in the misguided belief that it would break her. They forgot she was the buried seed that would sprout, and continue to do so in many generations after her. She bore the marks of a great visionary: leading in service and inspiration.

"I knew that the government was using me as a mirror in which other women would look at themselves. They were being asked to decide if that image was who they would like to be. Because i couldn't go into the women's hearts and tell them, "It's alright. I haven't done anything wrong. It's them, not me". It was okay for me to be called crazy and told i had insects in my head: That is the way people using their own mirror saw me. But i offered women a different mirror - my own. What is important, indeed necessary, is to hold up your own mirror to see yourself as you really are". p. 197

Wangari Maathai was a patriot whose life every Kenyan should be proud to refer to. She remains a remarkable example for girls and women on breaking away from the societal lie of female subjugation: that a "good woman" is one who does not rock the patriarchal boat and is not "bad-mannered" enough to dare speak up against injustice!

History never remembers good women. Nanjala Nyabola aptly reminds us of this in her article: Wangari Maathai was not a good woman. Kenya needs more of them.

Mpendwa

Akipita, akipunga

Upepo kamwona Bahari

Samawati, alipendeza

Naye Bahari ‘kampenda Upepo kwa uzuri alioleta

Furaha ilimjaa na kumsukuma upwani

Sabalkheri. Naomba ukae nami, Mpendwa

Uwe Malkia wangu

Ilhali Upepo alikuwa mwenye mwendo mara yote

Upepo alimzunguka Bahari, akambusu, akanena:

Meli yaelea juu yako,

dau yatabaradi  juu yako

Hio hali yao, wewe husongi!

Nikiondoka, samaki wataendapi? Bahari akauliza kwa mshangao mkuu!

Naye Upepo akamjibu: Nikitua, ulimwengu utasongaje?

Laazizi, ulinipendea mie uzuri wangu,

ndio mimi huyu, hamna namna ingine… 

Comandante!

I've met some people along my life who've left a lasting impression. They've inspired me in the fine way they take on situations and they've made me laugh through their witty observations of life. Most importantly, they mastered early on the importance of taking charge of their own personal lives in order to succeed.

Now success is relative, it is not limited to always winning in the external things. The greatest battle is in conquering the weak and faulty parts of us that make us less human. Unfortunately, this critical aspect of success is misunderstood a lot today, especially by extremists.

The success of being human is thankfully not tied to the material resources at one's disposal. It begins with a mindset. An attitude that dares to still embrace humanity even when the rest of the world mocks you. It is the courage to live right even when the world is primarily one big billboard that screams: "The end justifies the means!" "Grab what you can for yourself!" "Be bigoted!" "Kindness has no place in the modern rat race!" "Destroy!" "Gain the world!"…and forever lose yourself. 

Don't be deceived. The world is hurting. You can feel the pain that Warsan Shire speaks of:

A hurting world is made up of broken people. People who have given up hope and decided to match despair for despair and cruelty for cruelty. Quite the blind and toothless world…

The blueprint for taking charge of one's life is looking inwards in order to rise above all these gravely misleading voices. When you understand yourself, with all your flaws, then you become comfortable in your skin, then you are able to see the world with the scales fallen from your eyes, then you are able to be human…giving fully your authentic contribution.

Dissolve

Like sugar in tea

Like a leaf of mint immersed

Like the blending of flavours

Let you be...

Lovebow

I wanted to write you a poem
It was complete, in the space

But the words...
just when i sought to put them down
Danced merrily away

Musical, chiming as i drew closer again
They rejoiced, like the gentle rain
filling the earth...and my heart

The lyrics surrounded me, buoyed me 
and with a happy tinkling! struck a clear chord

They were not letters to be jotted
they were a feeling.