We have a massive problem

We have a deep-seated problem. If men calling themselves uncles can rape their 3-year old niece to 'punish' her mother and Uhuru Kenyatta, who calls himself president of this thing called Kenya, blames the mother...we have a massive problem. If you think that gender-based violence against women is a non-issue, you are the problem. If you do not respect a woman's yes, no, her space, her body, her rights, you are the problem. If you abuse your wife (including marital rape), your girlfriend, your female relatives, your female colleagues or any girl and woman you don't even know, you are the problem. If you support stripping of a woman, recording of her humiliation and her rape in public because you think her dress is your choice, then you are the problem. If you cheer on cowardly hiding behind social media, sharing these videos in demented perversion, then you are the problem. You are the rot that is Kenya today. Let's take this outside...i need men to tell me what they are doing to be honourable towards women, to be the positive influence in their male circles, to respect girls and women and to groom boys to do the same. Tell me.

I will lift her up

"A friend is the one you connect with, the one you trust, and the one whom you share your confidences with, knowing it's safe. You talk to her regularly about everything and nothing in particular. You even call her just to complain. A good friend acknowledges that you need her to vent to. If you are going through a difficult time and you don't call her and tell her about it, later she says, "Why didn't you call me?". It's not about solving the problem, or getting advice or answers. It is about sharing and being there, being present for your friend."  

Celebrating Friendship Among Women: The Power of True Women Connections

Margery Kabuya

My mother called me last evening. I could tell she was tired, she could tell i was spaced out. I really was not focusing on what she was saying but on her voice. Each word and intonation conjured a mental image in my mind; of the crinkle in her brow at the start of the conversation, of the clearing of the crease lines as we spoke about the upcoming family event, of the animation on her face as her errand list for me grew (and remember to do this...get that!) and finally, of the full-bodied laughter as we got to her favourite subject: her precious grandsons. By the time i hang up, my depression over the continued violation of girls and women's rights had lifted slightly, not entirely. I found myself thinking: Mama, will the nightmares go away? When will society respect us?

I thought of my sisters, female relatives and girlfriends whom i laugh with, argue with, cry with, journey with. The women who love me, cheer me on and understand me. This special sorority that knows what it is to bleed yet forge on in the face of adversity.

I smile when they smile, i rejoice when they rejoice, i am broken when they are broken. It is this deep connection that makes me understand the damage any violation causes to any girl or woman. It hurts me to see any girl or woman suffer abuse of any kind and humiliation that crushes her spirit and puts off the light in her life. It is what propels me to stand up for her in a society that is increasingly failing to protect us! It is what gives me courage not to be shaken even if there are those who think we are weak! It is what gives me clarity of mind to know that the greatest goal lies ahead, and no one shall detract me from it! That goal is a safe society for all girls and women. I refuse to be part of the rot that fuels our indignity. I tell it to any man or woman who is quick to violate us. I will say this again and i will not tire of saying it: when my Sister is down, i will lift her up. #16Days 

#‎MyBodyMyRight

On Monday 17 November 2014 at 10am i will be at Uhuru Park, Nairobi to protest the humiliation Kenyan women are being put through by men stripping us in public. My heart bleeds particularly for the woman who recently suffered this in Nairobi. I refuse to be a part of an undignified society.

The words of Meshack Yobby speak for me in this time when rage and deep disappointment have strangled my voice.

"I am gravely disappointed in how men (please forgive the generalization) were raised. If you think a lady who dresses below your standards of decency should be stripped and fondled in public to 'teach her a lesson', please unfriend me. This is not a matter for debate.
If you secretly think that 'she deserved it', please unfriend me.
If you think a lady in a mini skirt invited rape on herself, please unfriend me.

I'll tell you why I have no time for you.

You are a pervert. Men don't strip a woman naked in the streets because she is indecent. They strip her because they want to see her nakedness. It is not because of morals. Those same men are not saints. They are probably cheating on their women. They have their sins.
They are cowards who rely on the cheering of other perverts to get the courage to rip a woman's clothes off.
No, it is not about decency. Men walk the sane streets in tight trousers that outline their manhood. Men sag trousers till their butt cracks are seen. They are never stripped.

It is perversion.
It is looking at women as sex objects.
It is sexual assault.
It is the lowest form of scum.
If it happens to women they love...if your wife was stripped naked...

Women are human beings. The way we are behaving, every notion of decency and morality is judged through the eyes of men, not women. Never women.

A decent man will keep his loins calm when a woman in a miniskirt walks past. If you can strip a woman naked because of her dressing, then you are the rapist who justifies the act by claiming a woman was dressed provocatively.
Nonsense. Control your hormones. I have no patience with you. Scum."

Meshack Yobby (Facebook), Wednesday 12 November 2014

#‎MyDressMyChoice #‎KilimaniMums

The human battle

Inspiration to re-think one's existence and one's purpose can come from different sources. I'm a big believer in finding joy in small things but i also occasionally seek something bigger, something greater. Sitting in listening to Wole Soyinka give his tribute to Wangari Maathai and delivering his challenge to us, i returned to that well where my spirit was invigorated.

In a world where we seem to be caught up in more suffering than celebration of life, in spaces where we no longer feel so safe, in wondering about what we can do to make it right...the words of Wole Soyinka couldn't be a more powerful reminder: "Perhaps it is high time we declare ourselves fundamentalists of human liberty!"

Get Wole Soyinka's full lecture "Parables from Wangari Maathai’s Trees" here.

Photo Credit: Anyu